Say no to people pleasing

I’ve always been a people-pleaser—if there’s such a thing as being born one, I fit the bill. As the eldest child of four and a Virgo, caregiving and putting others first is second nature. I helped raise my younger siblings while I was still a teenager, and by my twenties, I found myself once again in a caregiving role, trapped in a toxic marriage.

For years, guilt and I were inseparable. I struggled to prioritize my needs, and that relentless self-sacrifice led to resentment, burnout, and eventually, a breakdown. Ah, the "joy" of navigating this beautiful and chaotic life, right?

But now, in my 40s, I’ve decided it’s time to let go of the need to please. I’ve realized that my time is valuable—worthy of fun, play, exploration, and most importantly, the freedom to say no when something doesn’t align with what I want. This newfound perspective feels like liberation, peeling away layers of worry about how others will perceive me. And trust me, after 20 years in public accounting, I could’ve written a manual on caring what others think. It took years of coaching to help me shed that burden.

It's not that I'm oblivious to the needs or desires of others—far from it. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a friend. If you need me, I’ll likely answer the call. But if I need a moment for myself, I’ll let it go to voicemail—and that’s okay.

Earlier this month, I had a moment that could have unraveled me. I mixed up my calendar, something that hadn’t happened before, and missed not one, but two meetings in the same hour because I got the start times wrong. After apologizing and rescheduling, I made a decision: I wasn’t going to beat myself up over a few missed calls. Instead, I asked myself what I could learn from it.

The message was loud and clear—I’ve said yes to too many things, and now the balls I’m juggling are starting to drop. When I was first promoted to a senior leadership role, my executive coach shared a metaphor that’s stuck with me: While it may feel like you’re juggling equally important balls, some are glass, and others are rubber. The trick is recognizing which is which.

The meetings I missed? Rubber balls. My mental sanity? A glass ball. So, I’ve made a conscious choice to stop taking on extra calls for the rest of the year. I’ve already joyfully committed to what I can handle, and everything else? It can wait.

So, my friend, what do you need to say no to in order to honor what’s most important to you?

Let me know your thoughts. Add a comment below.

For the world needs who you were made to be.