Expectations vs. Reality
Imagine my thrill when an opportunity arose to join a writer’s retreat in a Middle Ages French castle. Six days dedicated to exploring the art of turning your book into a movie or honing your screenwriting skills. The retreat would take place the following summer, coinciding perfectly with your mini sabbatical. Despite the high price tag, your current employment made it seem like an obvious “yes.”
But there was one small hitch: your five-year-old daughter, whom you adore, had made you pinkie promise not to be away from her for more than four or five days. She knew her mommy loved retreats and work trips, but any longer would be too much for both of you.
So, you devised a plan: invite your husband and daughter to join the adventure.
You’d spend ten days together before the retreat – exploring Normandy for your WWII history-loving husband, seeing Paris before the Olympics, and spending a day at Disneyland for your little princess. You found the most enchanting penthouse apartment with a terrace view of the Eiffel Tower and set off on your adventure.
Walking through the cobblestone streets of Bayeux in Normandy felt like stepping back in time. The squeals of joy as your daughter ran in the sand, effortlessly spelling her name as the waves washed over her letters on Omaha Beach, filled your heart. Navigating the City of Lights by plane, train, and automobile was an adventure in itself. The pure delight of watching your daughter meet Belle in real life was unforgettable.
But it was the late nights spent together in the hammock, legs dangling, waiting for the Eiffel Tower to light up, that brought tears to your eyes. Your heart was so full, you wished you could stay in that moment forever.
When you finally arrived at the retreat, you were a bit worn out, and sickness set in, making your time in the medieval castle a bit of a slog. You quickly realized that screenwriting wasn't your thing, and turning your memoir into a feature film was less glamorous than expected. Imagine the disappointment of realizing this retreat might not be the “life-changing writing experience” you had hoped for. Instead, you found yourself counting the days until you could be reunited with your family.
But what if that retreat had never come up as an option? There would have been no Normandy, no Disneyland Paris, no feet dangling from the hammock overlooking the Eiffel Tower. What if the retreat was simply the catalyst for the true adventure you needed? The one you couldn't put a price tag on. Would you still say “yes?”
Of course, you would.
Sometimes, we don't know what the true adventure and special moments will be when we set off on a journey. I could have wallowed in homesickness and slugged through the rest of my days in France, but my intention was to be open to what the universe wanted to show me. As a neuroscience nerd, I understand the power of reframing your perspective. So, in the middle of my writing retreat, I allowed myself a moment of grief, sat with the discomfort of disappointment, and looked for moments of gratitude where my heart felt full – and there were plenty.
After realizing the beauty of our time abroad was in the simple moments together as a family, I let go of any haunting expectations. This release allowed me to be fully present on my last day of the retreat, to laugh more than I had in years, and to let loose on the dance floor at our closing cabaret talent show. In the end, the retreat was worth it. It changed me for the better.
My lesson from this experience – be open to what the universe wants to show you. Be flexible and honest about how you feel during an adventure. Check your expectations at the door. Often, we can't pre-conceive the moments we need to experience; we just need to be open to let the unfolding occur.
What adventures have you embarked on that led to unexpected moments of joy or mishap?
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For, the world needs who you were made to be.
