Finding courage to walk away
Today, I am closing the chapter on a twenty plus year career as an audit partner in public accounting so that I can fully step into my genius space as an author, facilitator, leadership coach and soul igniter.
It wasn’t an easy decision, nor did I come to it rashly. The decision to retire was the result of many years of contemplation, soul searching, wrestling with fear, and finding the courage to take brave action in the direction my heart was calling.
Three years ago, I sat on the beach in Hilton Head reflecting on my career journey. The waves of the Atlantic Ocean crashed before me as I sat in the rocky sand waiting for the sun to emerge from the horizon. I had sneaked out of the hotel at dawn and made the journey down to the water, picking up stranded seashells as I let the thoughts in my brain unwind.
It was the first time we had visited South Carolina as a family, and it felt like the first real vacation I had in a while. My office was closed for the week between Christmas and New Year’s and the 70-degree weather allowed for more time in the pool and beachside bike rides than I had anticipated. The ease of waking without an alarm each day, reading a book, taking a nap, and leaving plenty of unstructured time to adventure at whim was just what my spirit needed.
Coming out of eighteen months in a pandemic had taken its toll, especially given limited childcare, and continued full-time work responsibilities in the early months. I didn’t realize how much my body was craving rest and a pause.
So, there in the winter of 2021, at the base of the waves, small swirls of color started to appear. Pink first merged into twirls of orange and purple, the pelicans hopping around me chirping their chant to welcome a new day. The reflection of the sun bounced off my sunglasses as I sat to take it all in.
I didn’t want to go at such a fast pace anymore and I was ready to pursue something different – how exactly I wasn’t sure. But I was tired of decades of busy seasons following the new year glow.
What if this busy season is my last? I pondered, for the first time, really allowing myself to explore what could be possible if I decided to walk away from my public accounting career. As the words made their way through my body, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. The glare of the sun coming out of her slumber blinded me for a minute with the clarity that I was ready to move on. This would be my last busy season.
Except it wasn’t. I hadn’t found the courage yet to take the brave leap, even though I started sharing my intent with my closest friends and leadership coach. It would take three years for me to experiment with what else could be possible: finding ways to serve as an internal leadership coach at my organization on a part-time basis, finding flow in writing and figuring out the right proportion of a potential portfolio career.
I also had to address tremendous fear about how I could support myself and my family and whether I was crazy to walk away from such success and career achievement. The internal healing I experienced through somatic work (that I described in last week’s post) helped me work through this and realize it was time to be brave.
Several resources also helped me find the courage to let my faith in myself be bigger than any fear that was creeping up. They included Annie Duke’s “Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away,” Kim Perell’s “Jump: Dare to Do What Scares You in Business and Life,” and Amy Porterfield’s “Two Weeks Notice: Find the Courage to Quit Your Job, Make More Money, Work Where You Want, and Change the World.”
In October 2023, I walked through the fear and shaking nerves and gave my six-month notice. It felt a little crazy, freeing, and inspirational all at the same time. And in the months that followed, I continued to experience immense peace. Once the decision was verbalized and action was taken, the fear dissipated. My spirit knew what I needed, and I was finally brave enough to listen.
We underestimate sometimes the value in leaving or walking away from situations or relationships that no longer serve us or where our growth has plateaued. Leaving doesn’t have to take away from the experience we had, and we can find ways to exit gracefully with positive closure.
I am beyond ready and excited for this next chapter. The time it took for me to get here has prepared me to dance forward with open arms.
For the world needs who I was made to be.
