Freedom
I'm mid-way through my sabbatical and just returned from a 10 day adventure in the Azores with my mom. It's taken me a few days to recover and re-adjust to life in the States, but I'm so excited to share with you the reflections of this grand adventure. In many ways, I decided to take a sabbatical to experience a sense of freedom. You see, for most of my life, I have been in some type of caregiving role and I have never really known what it feels like to be free from obligations. Many people experience freedom and independence in their childhood and early adulthood and may only feel the challenge of obligation once they decide to get married and have children.
For me, my life has felt like it has been lived in reverse. Between helping to raise my siblings, serving as a caregiver for a sick spouse and elderly grandparent, and having continuing support obligations, I have never really felt "free." For me, taking three months off was my opportunity to focus on myself, disconnect for a bit and embrace my dreams. And I'm thankful that nestled away in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, I was finally able to experience the freedom I was searching for.
The trip to the Azores, Portugal was a special gift not only to myself, but to my mother. My mom was born in Terceira on the Air Force Base and it had always been her dream to return. I promised her that when I reached a certain career milestone, we would go there together. It was pretty ironic and special that I reached that milestone the day before we departed. Having never travelled alone together, we weren't sure how the trip would unfold, but we knew it was an opportunity for a special bond, new experiences and the beginning of the next chapter of our lives.
The last time I was in Portugal, I spent most of the time working on my application for the SEC fellowship (while simultaneously breaking up with my boy friend at the time) so there was something special about returning after my fellowship was complete and knowing that I had found my true life partner. It was as if Portugal represented two bookends for a chapter of my life and there was a sense of completeness that accompanied my visit. There was also a feeling of tremendous gratitude for how far I have come, how much I have accomplished and how many of my dreams have come true over the last three years and renewed hope for the dreams that are still on the horizon.
The day before our Azores adventure came to an end, my mother and I had a profound conversation that continues to resonate with me today. The theme was finding your "chosen life." You see, as an Air Force "Brat", my mom grew up around the world, leaving the Azores to live in Virginia, Okinawa, Philippines, Guam, Hawaii, among others. When people asked where she was from during our trip, she experienced a bit of an identity crisis. Responding with "Colorado" became like second-nature, but then she paused to explain that she was born in Terceira and was a Terceirenses just like so many of the locals. But this conversation made her realize that by growing up abroad, she never really identified with one place as where she was "from." Yet, she had picked Colorado as her "chosen home" and by developing roots, raising a family and living there nearly 40 years, she had re-claimed her own identity of where she was "from."
This conversation resonated with me as I continue to define my chosen life. I walked away from this trip having more freedom to create my own life and build my own home, wherever that may be. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I am extremely grateful for being able to experience such a freeing adventure with my mother, to create lasting memories and make dreams come true.
